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Swagmaster69696969696
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Swag Master fakes his death in order to achieve breasts
Vital statistics
Current Status: Alive
Equipment: 9mm Blaster Rifle
Also known as: The Swag Master
SwagMaster
Swag
Lady Mcfag (Disguise)
Swaggy
Physical attributes
Friends: Chris (most of the time), Sergeant Mark, Greg (occasionally), Gavin
Enemies: The Butt Ninja, Mark's Mother (possibly), Agent Biker, Ivan, Greg (most of the time), Chris (occasionally)
SMG4
Likes: Breasts, specifically Peach's
Swag
The song "A$$ and Titties"
Chris (most of the time)
Dislikes: The Butt Ninja
Being told what to do
Greg
Chris (occasionally)
vte


“This is why they call me Swag Master.”
―SwagMaster

Swagmaster (YouTube name: swagmaster69696969696) is the main protagonist (only in Guards N' Retards) and a possibly mentally challenged guard who works at the Retarded Spaghetti Factory with his friend Chris. He appears in the Guards N' Retards series and in Retarded64: Mario and the retarded spaghetti factory.

PersonalityEdit

Swag Master is stuck-up, unintelligent, cocky, and tends to be uncaring towards others. He prefers to screw around instead of doing what he is supposed to be doing, which is one of the main reasons why he and Chris get into so much trouble most of the time. On some rare occasions where he is focused on the task at hand, he is very resourceful and can get out of many sticky situations.

He is obsessed with way too much breasts, as shown in The Butt Ninja, where his dying wish is for Chris to bring him breasts, and in Pointy Things, where Swag's pursuit of the Pointy Boob Lady is the cause of this main conflict.

Relationships with other charactersEdit

ChrisEdit

Chris is Swagmaster's best friend. He serves as the "straight man" to Swag's quirkiness. Although it doesn't stop Swag from verbally and physically abusing Chris, Chris is the only person Swag cares about even a little bit other than himself. A running gag is for Swag to blame Chris for things that are actually Swag's fault.

Superiors (Sergeant Mark, Admiral Greg, and Tubbie Wonka)Edit

Swag dislikes being told what to do, and so often behaves hostile towards people of a higher rank than him. He hates Greg especially, and often "nipple twists" him to get him to shut up.

Pointy Boob LadyEdit

Swag was infatuated by the Pointy Boob Lady's pointy breasts the moment he saw her, and tries to hit on her multiple times unsuccessfully. When he accidentally killed her, he only cared about the "FREE POINTY BOOBIES!!!".

SMG4 Edit

Apparently, Swagmaster doesn't seem to like SMG4. This can be seen in the Retarded Recap 2016, where, after SMG4 said that he wanted to see SwagMaster as a sheep again, Swag dunked him into a toilet.

Appearances Edit

Swagmaster69696969696 is a recent character in SMG4's videos: he started making appearances in 2014.

TriviaEdit

  • His YouTube name may be based on the name of another YouTuber called "swagmaster69".
  • In the video "The Butt Ninja", he is shown activating two "modes": "ninja stealth mode" and "swag mode".
  • He needs breasts to survive.
  • His character model is the "St. Petersburg Guard" from GoldenEye 007 for the N64.
  • His subtitles are red, similar to Mario's subtitles.
  • Swag is voiced by Microsoft Sam.
  • In "Swag Party Hostages", it is revealed that he can activate a "Mega Swagalicious Pingas", which is a fist that comes from that area.
  • Swagmasters subtitles changed in the video "swag magic."
  • In "swag magic" he is shown that he is number one in "Swag Fu."
  • Swagmaster is based off Chief from "Arby N' the Chief". However, Swagmaster seems to have better grammar than Chief at times. They also both have annoyingly intelligent partners...

QuotesEdit

  • This is why they call me swagmaster.
  • Swag mode activate.
  • SWAG AUFUUHUFHUGFHDUD
  • Where are those sexy ass ladies they said on the commercial?
  • WHAT THE FUCK
  • SHIT SHIT SHIT
  • HOLY D*CK NUGGETS!
  • SCHWOP
  • This is bullshit.
  • Shut up, Greg.
  • Shut up Chris.
  • We meet again, butt ninja.
  • Do I fucking look OK, dumbass?
  • Nipple twist!!
  • Boobs, Chris, boobs. Bring them to me, quickly.
  • Dude, there's some crazy guy women in the toilets.
  • Penis.
  • In the balls.
  • Why Chris? Why you piss off old people!
  • ???
  • Marco!
  • POLO!
  • MARCOOOOOO!
  • But I don't want toooo...
  • Y u do dis?
  • HOLY SH*T! POINTY BOOBIES!!
  • Eyes on the prize Chris, eyes on the prize.
  • What you call me?! I'll let you know I am the king of chopanese! Ahh goddamit Chris why did you block my view!
  • Where is it? It's mine!
  • Who's this douchebag anyway? Is he part of the Wiggles?
  • Jesus Christ, dude, get a tic tac or something.
  • I'm going to murder the Wiggles now ...
  • Is she a mental old lady who's obsessed with raisins?
  • CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
  • Huh? Who's that?
  • Woah... Is that-
  • BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES
  • Aw... She ran away.
  • Did you see how pointy those boobies were? They could pop a balloon!
  • Yeah ok, LOL. I'm going to find Pointy Boob Lady.
  • I AM COMING, POINTY BOOBIES!
  • SHITUCKIFRIEDHOLYCRAP
  • I'm not changing swagmaster69696969696.
  • I GOT THIS CHRIS! I'ma charging my lazer!
  • My ROFLcopter goes SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI.
  • Goddammit granny... did you litter more skeletons on the floor again?!
  • But first... LET ME TAKE A SELFIE!
  • jitghtbjdfiztnjiyohtjebkenmSQUAREBRACKET
  • NUT SHOT! ...Shit, I missed!
  • Uhh... I can explain why there's a rocket launcher up Gavin's butt...
  • This job is like pointy boobs on your face, it gets annoying but you still love it!
  • You actually trust the bullshit that comes out of my mouth?! When did you stoop so low, Chris?
  • The prisoner looked like a rectangle with creepy ass eyes
  • I'ma charging my lazer! WOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOPWOP
  • Just make out with your jailbuddy.
  • kthxbai
  • HOLY CRAP IT'S FATASS JUSTIN BIEBER! KILL HIM!
  • MEGA SWAGALICIOUS PINGAS ACTIVATE!
  • Titty launcher!!
  • ILLUMINATI!
  • OK EVERYONE, DON'T PANIC, BUT YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
  • This is the sad story of two..fired guards.
  • This retard chris, and the sexy Swagmaster!
  • So cold.. Need money... Gimmie some pingas!
  • STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER!
  • Sorry lol i don't have a soul!
  • Remind me never to come near you when you have a piece of toast in your hand!
  • I don't know why but i feel, FAABUULOOUS!
  • Wanna 1v1 me? fight like a man?
  • Crap he found my one and only true weakness Chris were doomed!
  • I'll let you know i am number one in swag fu!
  • Entering SUPER BUTTHURT MODE!
  • Feast your eyes on my, TROLL FACE!
  • Holy crap, it's fat ass Justin Bieber, kill him!
  • ​PEW  ​PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW
  • YOU MOUSTACHIO'D PIECE OF SHIT!
  • Make more episodes of Guards N' Retards!
  • One episode per year won't cut it dickweed!
  • You just don't want people to hear my sexy singing!
Characters
Characters
Main characters
Mario · SuperMarioGlitchy4

Major characters
Bowser · Luigi · Princess Peach · Steve · Toad · Waluigi · Wario


Recurring characters
Dr. Mario · Lakitu · Policemen · Narrator · Old Man Hobo · Rocks · Shy Guy · SuperMarioGlitchy3 · Teletubbies · Weegee · Yoshi


Other YouTubers
AustinDawgyDawg · CrimsonMan5 · DatVoiceGuy · DannyPhantom911 · EpicYoshiFan · FightingMario54321 · GageDawg · Geofcraze 634 · Hitkid96fan · Kw977 · LegoGuy77777 · Lilyncookies · MarioMario54321 · MarioMario761 · MarioStar92 · MejiaCantilloGustavo · Megaman765 · Nintendofan997 · Oscarm00 · PhazonMario · Pinkolol16 · Roprinplup14 · Ruffman8890 · Schm2000 · Starman3 · SuperMarioFan590 · SuperMegaUltraSonicX16475 · Superstarxalien169


Minor characters
Baby Luigi · Baby Mario · Ben · Big Bully · Bob-omb · Boo · Bonnie the Bunny · Bot · Bowser Jr. · Bully · Chain Chomp · Chica the Chicken · Chuck-ya · Crazy Chinese Guy · Crazy Toilet Dude · Daisy · Derpy the Mailman · Donkey Kong · Dr. Kleiner · Dumbledore · Eyerok · Female Steve · Frankie · Freddy Fazbear · Foxy the Pirate Fox · God · Golden Freddy · Good Star · Goomba · Gourmet Guy · Hagrid · Harry Potter · Heavy Weapons Guy · Hello Kitty · James Doakes · Jigglypuff · John · John Geyham · Justin Bieber · King Bob-omb · Kirby · Koopa Troopa · Link · Luma · Mad Piano · Mario Head · Notch · Professor E. Gadd · R2-D2 · Ronald McDonald · Rosalina · Samus Aran · Shrek · Shy Guys · Spike · Stacy · Toad Barrage · Toad Birds · Toad Guards · Toad Priest · Toadette · Toadsworth · Toadwardo · Villager · Wizard · X · Ztar


One time characters
Alex and Derrick · Bandit · Barbie · Barbie's son · Batman · Bill Cosby · Bobby · Bowser's Boss · Bowser's Mom · Buzz Lightyear · Brains · Bully Boss · Cap'n LardButt · Captain Steve · Colonel Sanders · Conker the Squirrel · Crazy Japanese Guy · Cube the Penguin · Don · Dorito Guy · Driving Guy · Enderdragon · Game Reviewer · Gay Luigi · Giant Mario · Goombs · Guy (0% of Spaghetti) · Blue Guy · Hall-9000 · Herobrine Persson · King Pipe · Mario's 4 emotions · Mario's Camel · Mario's Conscience · MarioMario54321 X · Mike · Miss Tubby · Miyamoto's Ghost · Mr. Toilet · OiramOiram12345 X · Omochao · Pedobear · Pipes · Prince Big Whoop · Prince Steve · Princess Peach Robot · Queen Stephe · Ragnarok · Robotnik Horse · S.M.G Club members · Scatman John · SMG1 · SMGDJ · Slenderman · SuperLuigiGlitchy4 · SwagTubby · The Bomber · The Imposter · The Spaghetti Fairy · Toad Babeh · Toad Bravo · Toad Bewbs · Tubby Bison · The Tubby Custard Salesman · Tubby Chef · Tubby Wonka · Trevor Phillips · Woody · Virus · Y


Guards N' Retards characters
Main: Chris · Swagmaster69696969696
Other: Agent Biker · Butt Ninja · Crazy Woman · Greg · Morgan Freeman · Pointy Boob Lady · Reymon D. Gai · Sergeant Mark · Tubbie Wonka


Super Pokeman 64 characters
Gary "DICKS" Oak · Pikachu · Professor Oak


Sonic the Derphog characters
Main: Dr. Eggman/Robotnik · Sonic
Other: Amy Rose · Dr. Tubby Robotnik · Eggbot 2000 · Miles "Tails" Prower · Omochao · Shadow the Hedgehog


Other
Real Life SMG4/Luke Lerdwichagul

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