Everyone is doing their thing in Peach's Castle: Toad standing in his usual spot, Mario sleeping in spaghetti naked, SMG4 eating pizza and watching on TV, Bob requesting to make "Bob the movie 3!", Fishy Boopkins and Luigi playing with dolls, Steve hanging around, Shroomy showing Meggy his badge collection, Wario and Waluigi with a stack of coins and Bowser dancing. Peach then burst through a door, complaining about the Toadstool Toads failing again. Wanting new players, Peach chooses Mario and friends to see how good they can play sports. Mario has a question but Peach answers it saying that eating is not a sport, much to Mario's annoyance. The gang then starts playing.
This segment starts with Mario and Toad playing basketball against Bowser and Steve. Mario runs with the ball, while Steve tries to take it. Only for him to fall. Mario shoots the ball but Bowser blocks it 4 times. Pissed, Mario calls Bowser a “flying fat man” and tackles him. Toad gets the ball and Bowser knocks Mario off him. Bowser blocks Toad, in which Toad throws the ball at him, only for the flying fat man to get hurt and cry. Toad then makes a slam dunk, Mario celebrates, and tells Bowser to suck his dick.
The swimming segment starts with Shroomy, Toad, and SMG4 swimming. Peach then yells at Bowser to go on the pool. Bowser tells Peach that the pool is too deep and he doesn’t want to die, but Peach says to be more like Mario, who’s going fine. We see Mario swimming naked, drowning. Then, we see Luigi swimming and Fishy Boopkins tells him his story of water, only because he thought it was cool. Meggy then jumps to the water, but ends up dying but because Inklings can’t swim in water. Bowser then offers Meggy a floaty, only to upset the squid. Waluigi is seen riding on Wario and pedaling like a canoe. Peach encourages them, wondering where Bob is, only to be shown that Bob is riding a jetski, saying he’ll be the best swimmer.
Link is seen to shoot and arrow, and hits a bullseye. Mario then shoots and arrow up in the sky, only to be shot in the head a few seconds later. Luigi then shoots, but misses terribly. Wario then shoots, but we then see that Waluigi is actually the one holding the arrow. Waluigi tries to hit it in the target, but just gives up and still celebrates. Wario celebrates too, but this just pisses off Link. Meggy then shoots multiple arrows, and all hit the bullseye, making Link impressed. Bob then says that he’s better, being a Native American before. Bob shoots many arrows, terrible missing, but one arrow fortunately hit the edge of the target. Peach congratulated Bob, waling away with an arrow on her, making Bob worried.
Mario is seen snow boarding. He’s doing okay, but when performing a trick, he failed landing on his face. Waluigi then does some tricks, which worked out well. Wario then does a trick, but he then falls terribly. Shroomy then brags saying that he’ll show them how it’s done. Shroomy does a great job doing a trick, but accidentally goes up a large ramp. This causes the mushroom to be in the sky. He got scared, but felt better because he thought he saw his house, then seeing that he fell.
We see people playing bowling, and Bowser hits a strike with his shell as a bowling ball. Peach feels uncomfortable seeing a nude Bowser, but Bowser is puzzled. Toad and Steve are then shown. Steve throws himself at the pins, knocking them down while Toad gets a gutter ball. He then encourages for pretending the pins to be someone he hates. That person is Toadette. This frightened Toad, unintentionally making him throw a strike. Bob then throws a ball, but gets a gutter ball. He asks Boopkins how he’s doing, only to see that he’s eating a bowling ball (making him fat), being confused as this for a buffet. Luigi has a split, being worried. He yells out loud Mario’s name, seeing that he calls himself a pizza pie. Angrily, Luigi threw the ball to gard, hitting every single pin except for the 2 he needed to hit.
Shroomy is seen batting and Bowser is seen pitching. Bowser pitches the ball, causing it to ignite. Shroomy hits the ball, only for his bat to break and Charging Chuck’s hand to ignite and fall off. Luigi then pitches the ball, and SMG4 hits it strongly. Toad and Bob are then fighting to get the ball. After it fell on the ground, Steve grabbed the ball and celebrated. This enraged Toad and Bob, attacking them. This caused them to fight over the ball once again. Mario is scared, because SMG4 was on his way to home. Mario gets the idea to distract SMG4 by taking off his clothes. After doing this, SMG4’s eyes start burning, killing SMG4. Toad finally gets the ball, getting SMG4. Mario then shows off to SMG4, realizing that he’s dead. Waluigi is now pitching while Meggy is batting. Waluigi pitches the ball, but Meggy hits the ball, hitting a home run. Fishy Boopkins is about to get the ball, but he doesn’t because there’s a road and his dad told him it’s not safe. Wario and Mario are then angry, telling Boopkins to get the ball. Jaywalking to 3rd base, Luigi gets scared about Meggy almost going to 3rd base. Bob has then had enough of Boopkins being stupid and tries to get the ball, only to be run over by a car.
It’s a football game between Mario and Luigi vs Wario and Fishy Boopkins. Wario gets the ball and passes it to Fishy, only to be tackled by Mario. Mario then sees that he didn’t have the ball. Luigi then gets the ball, celebrating. Green Mario then gets tackled by many Charging Chucks, causing Wario to get the ball and Mario chasing him. Fishy then goes to Luigi and they both agree to play Pokémon. Wario then gets angry, but Fishy finally snaps, telling Wario that he’s not playing, making Wario say “Fuck you”. For the rest of the segment, Mario and Wario were chasing eachother with weapons for the football while Fishy and Luigi were playing Pokémon.
Peach thanks the gang to show off their skills. She then presents that they all suck, so she hired a professional team: the Teletubbies. Peach tells Mario and friends to suck caterpillars' d$cks before leaving the room with the Teletubbies. Luigi questions why they haven't been chosen so Toad concludes that she's a b*tch, which everyone agrees.