SM64 Guides: Toadsworth's How to - Princess
SM64 guides Toadsworth's How to - ℘rincess

SM64 guides Toadsworth's How to - ℘rincess

Season 4, Episode 21
Episode Info
Series Super Mario 64 Bloopers
Air date June 1, 2014
Idea by Unknown
Directed by SuperMarioGlitchy4
Episode Guide
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A SM64 Parody: Number 1 (Bob-omb Battlefield Remix) Sonic the Derphog: Eggventure (GET IT!?)

SM64 Guides: Toadsworth's How to - Princess, more often simply called Toadsworth's How to - Princess, is a video of SuperMarioGlitchy4 made as a guide made by Toadsworth teaching the Princess Peach how to become a better Princess. However, most attempts in this guide fail, unsurprisingly.



Intro Edit

Princess Peach gets the whole castle to herself so she starts to act non-princess-ey in the castle, so Toadsworth decides to give her his lessons again. But Peach already has Bowser kidnap her to avoid it.

Eating! Edit

Toadsworth complains that princesses are polite around the table. Then he asks Princess Peach about to hold fork in left or right hand, but she can't answer. So he says that Peach should prove him that she can do it. She accepts, but Peach eats haumbirgerz and he says "NO!", throwing Toad, causing her to be upset. Toadsworth says that princesses do not eat poor food, they eat top notch classy food, he then asks her to pass him a classy mushroom, but Peach throws him a poisoned mushroom, causing him to turn blue as he chokes and coughs. Peach says "SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY!", (wearing swag glasses)

Staying Safe! Edit

This lesson takes place outside Peach's castle. Toadsworth warns her that Bowser is always trying to snatch her! So that's why she should always play safely outside! Peach asks him how she should do it. He says that it's good question and he lets her to show it. He wears a similar dress, even calling himself as Princess Toadsworth! But suddenly Bowser appears and snatches him! He thought that he finally caught the princess, Toadsworth appears, causing him to be scared and he drives uncontrollably before his ship explodes. Then Peach presses a easy button.

Conversation! Edit

Now Toadsworth tells Peach that a princess must have elegance in conversation! So he's invited someone to help her master it, but he actually invited Steve, causing her to be shocked. He calls him as royal prince Steve! He said "You two converse! I'm going to go back and watch!" She says hi to him, but he says "Ha-ha, pumpkins!" She giggles, but Bowser cries and runs away as he says "WHY?!"

Playing an instrument! Edit

Toadsworth says that all princesses need to have a musical to wow their followers, Toadsworth then shows off that he can play the guitar. He then asks Peach if she can play an instrument, she replies with "Is Mayonnaise an instrument?" Toadsworth replies with "". Peach then has an idea, and starts playing the piano. Toadsworth says "Fu*k this!" and then walks out.

Cooking! Edit

Toadsworth states to the princess saying that she needs to improve the quality of her cakes. Mario also asks if he can help, Toadsworth then replies saying that he shouldn't. Mario mishears what Toadsworth said and believes that he said he likes the cake he baked (Which is on fire). Two Toads then stand near it asking what it's meant to be. Toadsworth says not to touch it, Mario then attempts to rip Toadsworth's face off. The Two toads are then shown eating the cake Mario cooked. After eating it, one grows a beard and the other one has it's spots on it's head replaced with a random face, leading both of them to freak out.


Toadsworth then explains to the princess that all princesses need to know how to sing, also asking her if she seen any Disney movies. Peach says that she doesn't know if she can, Toadsworth replies saying to try it. Peach then precedes to sing, Toadsworth says to try harder and then begins to sing 'horribly' himself.

Getting stolen and saved Edit

Has Toadsworth said, to Peach that she must be stolen in Style. He calls Bowser but his crying and his grandma said "Pick up the phone!" Bowser said "SHUT UP Grandma!" Toadsworth said phone reception it never works. He said that he is now Evil Toadsworth, and put Peach tide up to a train track, Mario said what's the emergency? Because I need to use the bathroom. Toadsworth said the Princess is in danger, Mario says that great now where's the bathroom? Toadsworth said aren't you going to save her? Mario said "BI#H DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE? NO!"


Peach said that she had enough of this, but Toadworth wasn't pleased and said that we aren't done. Peach said you can't tell me what to do your not my father! Toadworth says your right but, he starts to sing "I'm not your daddy I'm your grandpa!" Peach got really pissed off and kick him out of the castle, he said fine I will be the perfect princess he put on a dress and Bowser took him and rided into the Moonlight


  • This is Smg4's second video to not released on Sunday since uploads became weekly. The first was SMG4'S CANDY VAN IS HERE! (t-shirts and stuff).
  • This is the first appearance of Toadsworth.
  • Bowser's Grandmother from Cooking with Bowser and Mario reappears.
  • At one point, Princess Peach asks "Is mayonnaise an instrument?", a reference to the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, Band Geeks. This line and episode are extremely popular on the internet.
  • The song Can You Feel the Love Tonight? from Disney's The Lion King is heard playing at the end.
  • When the train is about to run over Peach, the classic Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends theme song is heard playing. Later, it is shown that Thomas's face is plastered onto the front of the train.
  • The face that is on Thomas is the "Thomas O face", which is a popular Internet meme.

|-|Transcript =


(The video begins with a shot of Peach's Castle at night. Cut to the inside of the castle, where Peach is standing alone)

Peach: Ahh, what a beautiful night. i got the whole castle to know what that means...

(Techno music starts playing, and Peach starts "dancing" – or rather, being tossed around spastically)


(Toadsworth walks in)

Toadsworth: PRINCESS! what is the meaning of this?!

Peach: OH, F**K! DANG IT!

Toadsworth: princess! manners please! and please do up your hair!

Peach: Oh my f**king god...

Toadsworth: you know it's not safe to be alone!

Toadsworth: we're having guests soon! you must act like a princess! are you wanting to go through my lessons again?

(Cut to Peach talking to Bowser, the latter of which is in his Koopa Clown Car)

Peach: HURRY UP AND STEAL ME!!! (gets in the Koopa Clown Car) RUN, B*TCH! RUN!

(They fly offscreen)

Bowser: why do I have to do all the work. D:

Toadsworth: ...why does she always do that?

(Cut to black)

Text: toadsworth lessons to becoming a great princess!

Text: Eating...LIKE A PRINCESS (Toadsworth peeks out from the bottom of the screen)

(Toadsworth is standing in front of a dinner table)

Toadsworth: a princess is always polite around the table! princess! do you use a fork on your left or right hand?

Peach: Uuummmm...

Toadsworth: never mind. prove to me you can do this.

Peach: (giggles) Splendid!

(Peach opens her mouth, picks up a burger, and tries to eat it but fails miserably)

Peach: NOM NOM NOM... OM NOM...

(A Toad is thrown at Peach and knocks the burger out of her hand)

Toadsworth: (offscreen) NO! (then onscreen) princesses do NOT eat poor food! they eat the top notch classy food! peach, be a dear and pass me a classy mushroom

(Peach gives Toadsworth a Poison Mushroom. Toadsworth turns blue and starts having a seizure)


(Peach puts on some pointy sunglasses)


(Cut to black)

Text: staying safe! ...LIKE A PRINCESS (Toadsworth peeks out from the bottom of the screen)

(Cut to Toadsworth outside of the castle)

Toadsworth: bowser is always trying to snatch you! that is why you must always play safe when outside!

Peach: how do you do that?

Toadsworth: well good question! let me show you!

(Toadsworth runs offscreen and comes back wearing a princess costume)

Toadsworth: oh...look at me! i'm princess toadsworth! :DDDD im just-a frolicking about like a perfect lady! :D oh yay, i always wanted to do this!

(Bowser swoops down in his Koopa Clown Car and kidnaps Toadsworth)

Bowser: i finally caught the princess :D

(Toadsworth peeks out of the car. Bowser screams and the Koopa Clown Car falls to the ground and explodes. Cut to black)

Text: conversation! ...LIKE A PRINCESS (Toadsworth peeks out from the bottom of the screen)

(Toadsworth is back inside the castle)

Toadsworth: a princess must have elegance in conversation! this is why i've invited someone to help you master it!

(Steve walks in with a prince outfit)

Prince Steve: HI GUYS!

Peach: Woah!

Toadsworth: this is royal prince steve! you two converse! i'm going to go back there and watch

(Toadsworth walks away. The lights dim, with a spotlight shining on Peach and Steve. "Sexy" music starts playing)

Peach: (giggles) umm... hi...

Prince Steve: ha, ha! pumpkins

Peach: Oh! *giggles*

(Cut to Toadsworth and Bowser watching the two. Bowser starts crying)

Bowser: OHHH, HO HOOO! WHYYYY!? (runs away)

(Cut to black)

Text: playing an instrument! ...LIKE A PRINCESS (Toadsworth peeks out from the bottom of the screen)

(Cut to Toadsworth)

Toadsworth: all princesses should have a musical talent to wow their followers! for instance! i can play the ol' guitar

(Toadsworth holds up an electric guitar and starts playing death metal, with the background flaming. The scene turns back to normal for the next line)

Toadsworth: how about you, princess? can you play an instrument!

Peach: Is mayonnaise an instrument?


(Peach pauses for a moment, and then a light bulb appears above her head. Cut to Peach playing piano like Keyboard Cat)

Toadsworth: F**k this!

(Cut to black)

Text: cooking! ...LIKE A PRINCESS (Toadsworth peeks out from the bottom of the screen)

(Cut to Toadsworth in the kitchen)

Toadsworth: you must improve the quality of your cakes! papa toadsworth can teach you a few secrets!

(Mario appears behind Peach)

Mario: oohh! i can help too, right? right?!

Toadsworth: umm but master mario... i don't think you should...

Mario: what? you DID say you liked my cake i made!

(A cake on fire is in the background, with the text "mario's cake :D" under it)

Toadsworth: Um...

Toad: (looking at Mario's cake) What's this icky, paint-like, goop?

Other Toad: It's moving!

Toadsworth: Now, now, boys, don't touch that SH*T!

Mario: (to Toadsworth) I'm gonna f**king rip your  f**king face off, you f**king s**t!

Toadsworth: Come at me, bro!

(Mario screams and charges at Toadsworth. The two start fighting)

Peach: Um, excuse me, but...

(The two Toads are eating Mario's cake. They start laughing when suddenly one of them grows a beard and the other one has Nicholas Cage on his spots. They both start screaming. Cut to black)

Text: SINGING! ...LIKE A PRINCESS (Toadsworth peeks out from the bottom of the screen)

(Cut to Toadsworth on the balcony)

Toadsworth: all princesses must know how to sing! haven't you seen disney movies?

Peach: but, i don't know if i can...

Toadsworth: Just try it! You'll be remarkable!

Peach: Oh, heh, okay, heheh...

(Cut to a shot of Peach facing away from the camera, looking from the balcony. Peach starts singing – pretty well, actually – in autotune. Several scenes and images fly across the screen as she does so)

Peach: MARIO! LUIGI! Let's go! Oh, sweet! NOOOO! Ha-CHA!

Toadsworth: BORING. come on princess you need to do better than that! here! let me take a shot at it!

Toadsworth: (starts singing with a childlike voice and beach music playing in the background) Peach! Princess Peach! Livin' large, on the beach! Peach! Peach! Princess Peach!

Someone offscreen: JUST SHUT THE F**K UP!

(Dogs start barking)

Toadsworth: Livin' large, likin' it hard, on the beach! That's Peach!

Toadsworth: (spoken) hoo! I might be a singer myself!

(Cut to black)

Text: getting stolen and saved...LIKE A PRINCESS (Toadsworth peeks out from the bottom of the screen)

(cut to Toadsworth and Peach back in the castle)

Toadsworth: when princesses are in trouble! they always call for the heroine! that's why you must get stolen in style! now if you'll excuse me, i need to find you a kidnapper.

(Toadsworth pulls out a cell phone and dials a number)

(Cut to Bowser's castle, where Bowser's phone is ringing and Bowser is still crying over the Steve incident. Bowser's Grandma peeks in through the door)

Bowser's Grandma: Yo, pick up the phone.

Bowser: SHUT UP, GRANDMA! (continues crying)

(Cut back to Toadsworth)

Toadsworth: stupid confound doohickey phone. never works. well looks like i have to do everything around here

[Cut to Peach and "Evil" Toadsworth(Which is Toadsworth whit a hat) in a desert]

Toadsworth: i am evil toadsworth! i have kidnapped you! (mario should be coming any second now)

(Cut to Peach tied to some train tracks in Kalimari Desert)


Toadsworth: but it is what every damsel in distress must practice--i mean... MWHAHAHA! you'll never escape! oh, here's our monster now!

(Cut to an approaching Barrel Train. The Thomas the Tank Engine theme song starts playing. Peach screams. Cut to Mario crawling into the scene)

Mario: whoever told me to come in here better have a good reason!


Toadsworth: haha! i've taken your sweet princess mario! you'll never save her!

Mario: hey that's great! now where's the bathroom?

Toadsworth: ehhh...aren't you going to save her?

Mario: B*tch, do i look like i care? NO!

Toadsworth:'re suppose to save her!

Mario: B*tch, do i look like i ca-

(Mario is cut off by Peach's screaming. Mario decides to eat spaghetti while Luigi suddenly appears)

Luigi: WAH!

(The train, now sporting the face of a Thomas the Tank Engine character, is about to hit Peach)

Luigi: OOOOH, HO HO HO!!! (pushes Peach out of they way of the train) Oh ha ha ha! (starts dancing) Go Weegee! Go Weegee! Go Weeg- (gets hit by the train and screams)

Peach: AH! Thank you!

Luigi: Oh yeah! (Peach walks past Luigi) Wah?

Peach: Thank you Mario!

Mario: I DON'T CARE.

Luigi: Why does no one pay attention to Weegee?! (gets hit by another train and Thomas the tank engine theme plays again.)

(Cut to black)

Text: MORE PRINCESS STUFF! :D (Toadsworth peeks out from the bottom of the screen)

(Cut to Peach in the castle)


NO! I've had enough of your crap toadsworth!

Toadsworth: princess! manners!

Peach: this is exactly why! you're not my dad!

Toadsworth: OH REALLY?! (puts on sunglasses) B*TCH,

Toadsworth: (singing and dancing) I'M NOT YO DADDY, I'M YO GRANDPA! I'M NOT YO DADDY, I'M YO GRANDPA!  I'M NOT YO DADDY, I'M YO GRANDPA! (starts dancing on Peach's face) I'M NOT YO DADDY, I-

(Peach throws Toadsworth out the window)

Toadsworth: oh the princess never learns! (dons princess outfit) i'll just be the princess then :D I am the princess! GO PEACH!

(Bowser swoops down and kidnaps Toadsworth)


Toadsworth: i'm in!

(The song "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" from "The Lion King" starts playing as Bowser and Toadsworth slowly fly out into the night)

End of Transcript

Main characters
Mario · SuperMarioGlitchy4

Major characters
Bowser · Luigi · Princess Peach · Steve · Toad · Waluigi · Wario

Recurring characters
Dr. Mario · Lakitu · Policemen · Narrator · Old Man Hobo · Rocks · Shy Guy · SuperMarioGlitchy3 · Teletubbies · Weegee · Yoshi

Other YouTubers
AustinDawgyDawg · CrimsonMan5 · DatVoiceGuy · DannyPhantom911 · EpicYoshiFan · FightingMario54321 · GageDawg · Geofcraze 634 · Hitkid96fan · Kw977 · LegoGuy77777 · Lilyncookies · MarioMario54321 · MarioMario761 · MarioStar92 · MejiaCantilloGustavo · Megaman765 · Nintendofan997 · Oscarm00 · PhazonMario · Pinkolol16 · Roprinplup14 · Ruffman8890 · Schm2000 · Starman3 · SuperMarioFan590 · SuperMegaUltraSonicX16475 · Superstarxalien169

Minor characters
Baby Luigi · Baby Mario · Ben · Big Bully · Bob-omb · Boo · Bonnie the Bunny · Bot · Bowser Jr. · Bully · Chain Chomp · Chica the Chicken · Chuck-ya · Crazy Chinese Guy · Crazy Toilet Dude · Daisy · Derpy the Mailman · Donkey Kong · Dr. Kleiner · Dumbledore · Eyerok · Female Steve · Frankie · Freddy Fazbear · Foxy the Pirate Fox · God · Golden Freddy · Good Star · Goomba · Gourmet Guy · Hagrid · Harry Potter · Heavy Weapons Guy · Hello Kitty · James Doakes · Jigglypuff · John · John Geyham · Justin Bieber · King Bob-omb · Kirby · Koopa Troopa · Link · Luma · Mad Piano · Mario Head · Notch · Professor E. Gadd · R2-D2 · Ronald McDonald · Rosalina · Samus Aran · Shrek · Shy Guys · Spike · Stacy · Toad Barrage · Toad Birds · Toad Guards · Toad Priest · Toadette · Toadsworth · Toadwardo · Villager · Wizard · X · Ztar

One time characters
Alex and Derrick · Bandit · Barbie · Barbie's son · Batman · Bill Cosby · Bobby · Bowser's Boss · Bowser's Mom · Buzz Lightyear · Brains · Bully Boss · Cap'n LardButt · Captain Steve · Colonel Sanders · Conker the Squirrel · Crazy Japanese Guy · Cube the Penguin · Don · Dorito Guy · Driving Guy · Enderdragon · Game Reviewer · Gay Luigi · Giant Mario · Goombs · Guy (0% of Spaghetti) · Blue Guy · Hall-9000 · Herobrine Persson · King Pipe · Mario's 4 emotions · Mario's Camel · Mario's Conscience · MarioMario54321 X · Mike · Miss Tubby · Miyamoto's Ghost · Mr. Toilet · OiramOiram12345 X · Omochao · Pedobear · Pipes · Prince Big Whoop · Prince Steve · Princess Peach Robot · Queen Stephe · Ragnarok · Robotnik Horse · S.M.G Club members · Scatman John · SMG1 · SMGDJ · Slenderman · SuperLuigiGlitchy4 · SwagTubby · The Bomber · The Imposter · The Spaghetti Fairy · Toad Babeh · Toad Bravo · Toad Bewbs · Tubby Bison · The Tubby Custard Salesman · Tubby Chef · Tubby Wonka · Trevor Phillips · Woody · Virus · Y

Guards N' Retards characters
Main: Chris · Swagmaster69696969696
Other: Agent Biker · Butt Ninja · Crazy Woman · Greg · Morgan Freeman · Pointy Boob Lady · Reymon D. Gai · Sergeant Mark · Tubbie Wonka

Super Pokeman 64 characters
Gary "DICKS" Oak · Pikachu · Professor Oak

Sonic the Derphog characters
Main: Dr. Eggman/Robotnik · Sonic
Other: Amy Rose · Dr. Tubby Robotnik · Eggbot 2000 · Miles "Tails" Prower · Omochao · Shadow the Hedgehog

Real Life SMG4/Luke Lerdwichagul