Retarded64: Mario for Hire.
Retarded64 Mario for Hire

Retarded64 Mario for Hire.

Season 4, Episode 34
Episode Info
Series Super Mario 64 Bloopers
Air date August 31st, 2014
Idea by Unknown
Directed by SuperMarioGlitchy4
Episode Guide
Previous Next
SMG4 VS. ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

Mario's Spageti Delivary

Super Mario 64 Bloopers: Who let the Chomp out?

Freddy's Spaghettiria


Retarded64: Mario for Hire., more often simply called Mario for Hire, is the 194th video made by SuperMarioGlitchy4 and the 8th episode in the Retarded64 series. In this blooper, Mario accidentally destroys his own car with two firework rockets, crashes into Bowser's car and has to obtain money by working at various jobs to buy a new one (Peach gave him the idea).

Plot Edit

Mario's old kart Edit

The video begins with yoshi, Luigi, Waluigi, and Peach racing on a Mario Kart track (this is a Team Fortress map), where "They see me rolling" can be heard as Luigi drives by and Peach can be seen flying across the track singing in Heavy's voice and exploding violently. Mario watches them, and decides to test out his amazing rocket-kart. After dreaming about all the swag he would get and Peach and Daisy sucking up to him, Mario tries to drive the kart, but fails. As Mario is uncontrollably flying down the track, he accidentally hits a Guy who was warning Little Billy (Baby Mario) to not play in the street because it's dangerous, and Luigi sees Mario and also notices he is headed straight for an Old Lady crossing the road. Luigi practicies heroism by pushing her out of the way, but Mario swerves and hits her anyway. Mario then crashes into Bowser's car, destroying it and his kart in the process. The Old Lady survives somehow, and Bowser arrives to find his car ablaze. He asks what happened, and Mario said that it was Luigi. Bowser then rages heavily upon Luigi and blows Luigi up. Mario runs away, bearing a Troll face.

The car Edit

In the next scene we find Mario at a mall parking lot, seeking a new kart. He tries to steal someone's car, but he is caught by the cops with the classic "STAHP RITE THERE!!!". He manages to escape, and sees the Mall entrance. Upon entering he sees a bunch of cars for sale, among them the Tubby Custard car and Mario's Spageti Delivary van. Mario appears to be infatuated with a sports car, but he actually wanted the tube-pipe kart underneath it. After daydreaming of all the jealousy the car would create, he begins to hump the vehicle saying, "This makes me so happy.". An employee tells Mario to not hump the cars. Mario then brings the kart to the cashier, and asks the price. The cashier replies, "IT'S OVER 9000!" Mario doesn't appear to be worried, since he brings in his "Mario's happy money safe!". After opening it, we see that it's empty. Mario then tries to get the kart for free, but ends up being severely beaten up. After returning to the castle, Mario asks Peach for some help. After knowing that Mario wants money, she throws him out of the castle. She then tells Mario to get a job and calls him a hippie. Mario goes "WHOAAAAHHH" with realization.

Super Mario job time! Edit

Mario sets up a stand that sells genuine princess-worn clothes. Bowser pays Mario 10 coins for some, but then Peach sees the deed and charges Mario with the intention of injuring him severely.

Super Mario Plumber time! Edit

Mario goes to Pokemon trainer's house and tries to unclog his toilet using a Bob-omb. While the trainer is using the toilet, the bomb explodes, sending the trainer hurdling off the toilet.

Super Mario Internet time! Edit

Mario gets a job working at the internet place, where Lakitu, his first customer, explains a lot of information on the computer he wants. Mario, impatiently, asks for money. Lakitu pays him one coin.

Super Mario cafe time! Edit

Mario gets a job at Starbucks and works alongside Samus (Zero Suit Samus). While Steve makes a very large order causing Samus to get angry, Eggman appears and "Gangnam Style" plays. Mario punches him away and begins humping Samus. Mario earns several hundred coins before Peach catches him humping Samus. Mario flies away frantically.

Super Mario business time! Edit

Mario gets a real desk job to try and earn his money. He becomes hungry, and asks for food to Trevor Phillips who was lying down on a desk. Trevor doesn't care, and tries to shoot Mario. Mario evades and Mega Man Volnutt gets shot instead. Mario then sees Heavy Weapons Guy (aka Garry)'s sandwich, and tries to take it. Garry says no, and throws Mario against some file cabinets. he appears to masturbate while saying "Om nom nom", then realizes that someone (Mario) stole his food while he wasn't looking. Garry then rages, and Mario again said it was Luigi. Garry beats up Luigi and throws both himself and Luigi through a window of a business meeting.

Time to take this fight...up a notch Edit

Mario is frustrated that he cannot make enough money for the kart. He decides to go clean some pipes at a random house. The first house he goes to is Daisy's, who waves at him, smiling and giggling. But, an old man asks him what took him so long (he thought Mario was "Jerry") and forces him to fix the pipes in his house while saying "Back to work, fool!" in Mr. T's voice. After a lot of nagging from the old man, Mario finally snaps, "Fuck you, old man!"

Toad's Idea Edit

Toad gives him the idea of robbing a bank. With Toad disguised as a baby, they both get into a bank. Toad asks the bank teller to give him a donut but he doesn't want so Toad kills him, while Mario grabs the money. Mario then gets arrested along with Toad and the police gives the money back to the bank. While in jail, Mario sees the "LODS OF EMONE" commercial (with Starman3, SuperMarioGlitchy4 especially) that said to "sell yourself for some money". After Mario got out of jail, he sold Toad to a carnival and got his money.

End of the Episode Edit

Mario finally buys the kart. After a couple of laps on the track, Mario hits Luigi with the kart and sends Luigi flying into Garry's gun. Garry is enraged, shouting "WHO TOUCHED MY GUN?!" Mario tries to run, but Luigi said it was Mario to get his revenge. Mario asks Garry if they could be friends, only for Garry to respond, "FRIENDSHIP IS STUPID MAGIC!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU AND KILL YOU AND..." but he gets interrupted by Mario replying "NO!". Then Mario turn into the Swag Mario that he imagined in his daydream, to be stronger, but Garry beats him up, and throws him across the track. Mario's new kart then lands on him, and explodes.



  • The name is a play on the YouTube series Sonic For Hire
  • When Steve is ordering his food he has Big Smoke (a character from the videogame GTA: San Andreas)'s voice.
  • Shrek makes a cameo appearance in this blooper, in the "Super Mario Business Time" part when the phone is ringing.
  • This marks the first 2014 appearance of Starman3 in SMG4's videos, after being absent a long time because SMG4 and SM3 weren't friends anymore. However, it might just be his color code re-used, it's his first appearance since Ssenmodnar 6 (New Year's edition) his first appearance in a Retarded64 Video and his first appearance in a while.
  • This is the 4th time that Shy Guy never speaks or says 'YEAH TOAST!!!' This is also the first time we see his shocked face.
  • This is the first time Heavy appeared for more than 3 seconds.
  • This is the second time that we see Lakitu in Garry's Mod, the first being "The Blooper Competition".
  • Before Mario finds his new kart, a Ferrari can be seen. The Ferrari is the Ferrari 360 Spider
  • When Heavy says "What the fuck do you want?", that same audio clip is used by SMG4 in Cooking with Bowser and Mario 2.
  • When the roof of the bank is broken by Teletubbies, there is a white Dipsy (Dipsy is the green Teletubby) instead of Laa-Laa (the yellow ones).
  • When Toad and Mario got arrested, Toad says to Mario, "Nice job, dickface" as though the bank robbery was Mario's idea but it was Toad's.
  • When Daisy giggles, she has the same voice as Princess Peach in SM64 guides: Toadsworth's How to-Princess when Prince Steve was attempting to woo her.
  • When Luigi is diving his kart in the race at the beginning of the video, the song Ridin' Dirty from Chatmillionaire is heard playing, even though Luigi isn't doing his death stare.
  • In the café scene, if you listen carefully after Samus' "Come on already!", Steve repeats what he just ordered.
  • Steve's order was: 2 number nines, a number nine large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7 and 2 number forty fives, one with cheese.
  • Of all of her appearances This is Samus Arans most biggest appearance.
  • When Mario finds his new kart, his Spaghetti Van and Po's vehicle from Retarded64: Mario's Spageti Delivary can be seen.
  • The scene with Baby Mario may be a reference to the first Retarded64 video: "Retarded64: Mario Goes Shopping".
  • When Mario is fighting Heavy, the opening of Attack on Titan can be heard, making this the second time the opening of Attack on Titan can be heard, the first time being "Cooking with Bowser and Mario 2!".
  • Heavy's quote, "Friendship is stupid magic!" is a reference to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
  • The LODS OF EMONE thing on the TV originally came from Harry Enfield.
    • When a letter is said, a loud "slap" sound effect can be heard. This is because it's from another YouTube video, which was about PAYDAY 2.



The error

  • The scene where Luigi screams because Heavy thinks Luigi ate his food is the previous scene where there is a business meeting and Heavy beating up Luigi is seen from a window. Before this scene, for a split second before changing to said scene, the meeting characters are on the scene where Luigi screams.



(Retarded64 opening)

Mario: Mama f**ker!

(The blooper starts with Mario's characters driving on Mario's Circuit retardedly)

Peach: E ya ta ya ta ya ta

(Peach crashes with her kart from the sky and exploded)

(Mario looking behind the block then turn away)

Waluigi: Yeah Yeah Yeah!

Mario: Ohohoh... WEEEEHEEHEEHEE!

(Mario looks at kart)

Mario: Alright! Sweet!

(Mario imagines riding kart and winning the race and bitches (princess peach and daisy) ).

(Mario gets in kart)

Mario: Let'sa go! Ohohoh! Get that motherf**ker!

(Mario launches forward)

Guy: And that's why Little Billy you can never play in the street. You might get yourself killed by.....

(Mario zoomed past Guy)


(Mario flys backwards and takes Guy with him)

Little Billy: Da fuq?

(Guy dies, and then Luigi is nervous because Mario may run an old lady. Luigi saves her, but still Mario runs her, and his car finally crashes to Bowser's, destroying both cars. Everyone except Guy survives, then Bowser sees his destroyed car)


Mario: Oooooooo.... Luigi! Mama-mia!

Luigi: Aaaaaargh!! No.

(Bowser beats up Luigi, causing an explosion, while Mario leaves laughing)

Mario: I need a new kart...

(Mario enters a car)

Mario: Okee dokee, let's go!


Mario: SH*T!!

Mario: Woah!

(Mario sees that there is a car sale, so Mario enters)

Mario: Woah!

(Mario finds the kart he wants, and starts to imagine himself with said kart)

Mario: Oh boy, that makes me so happy!


(This man shows him the "No humping the cars!" sign)

(Mario asks the cashier the price of it)

Cashier: IT'S OVER 9000!!!

Mario: Let's go!

(Mario shows the cashier his money safe, even though it is empty, and murmers "son of a b*tch")

Mario: Hello bro! Can I have it for free?

Cashier: OKAY!

(Back in Peach's Castle, Mario has many injures, and he is covered with blood)

Mario: Mama F**ker!

Mario: (to Peach) Princess!

Peach: Mario? Oh f**k!

(Peach surprises of Mario's injures)

Mario: Princess 'a Peach... Mama mia! I need help...

Mario: Can I have some money?

(Peach kicks Mario out of her castle)

Peach: Get a job! Hippie!

Mario: D'oh!

(Super Mario job time!)

(On the next scene, Mario sells clothes worn by princesses)

(Bowser excites, and purchases some of them, giving Mario 10 coins)

Peach: Mario! You son of a b*tch!!! (Starts chasing Mario)

(Super Mario plumber time!)

Mario: Oh ****!

Pokémon trainer: Fix it! (many times, annoying Mario)

Mario: Grrrrr FINE!!!

(Pokémon trainer starts celebrating, while Mario places a Bob-Omb in the toilet)

Mario: There! That should take out the toilet clog!

Mario: The crapper is all fixed.

(Mario receives 90 coins)

(Pokémon trainer is singing in the bathroom, and the Bob-Omb explodes)

Pokémon trainer: OH SH*T!!! (Screamed in pain)

(Super Mario Internet time!)

Mario: Welcome to the Internet my friend! How can I help you?

(While the customer is talking about the problem, Mario says to give him some money, receiving 1 coin)

(Super Mario cafe time!)

(While Steve is making a huge order, Mario looks at Samus. Dr. Eggman appears with Gangnam Style playing in the background, but he is kicked out by Mario. Then Mario starts to hump on Samus receiving hundreds of coins [he now has 1000 coins], until Peach finds him humping)

Peach: Mario!

(Mario screams)

Steve: The hell did you just do?! Uh-huh?

(Mario runs away scared)

(Super Mario business time!)

(Mario is in a business room where some people work. Mario walks up to Trevor.)

Mario: See, I'm hungry. Have you got any food?

Trevor: You know what? I just realized that I don't care. (Holds a pistol)

Mario: Oh. (Jumps out of the way)

(Trevor shoots Mega Man Volnutt instead)

(Mario looks at a sandvich on the desk where Heavy is)

Mario: Come here fishy fishy! Yummy!

Heavy: What the f*ck do you want?!

Mario: Can I have it?

Heavy: No!

(Heavy throws Mario aside.)

Mario: (Groans)

(Heavy seemingly starts masturbating while working. But some moments later, Heavy stops typing and looks at his plate, only to realize that his sandwich is gone. Heavy gets pissed and throws a filing drawer at Shy Guy.)


Mario: (spoken) Ooh...Luigi!

(Luigi appears on-screen)

Luigi: (spoken) Huh?

Heavy: (spoken) Incoming!

(Luigi screams)

(In the meantime, several executives are having a meeting. Luigi and Heavy can be seen fighting behind them)

Executive: (spoken) Come on! This idea is perfect! It shows how much kids love animals and--

(Luigi and Heavy crash through the window and into the room.)

Heavy: (spoken) This here work.

(Back at the castle)

Mario: (spoken) F**k this!

Mario: all these regular jobs aren’t giving me enough money!

Mario: (spoken) It’s time we take this flight...up a notch!

(Mario bursts into a building naked.)

Mario: (spoken) So...I heard you wanted some...pipes cleaned, eh?

(Daisy is glad to meet him, but the Old Man Hobo pops up)

Old Man Hobo: (spoken) Gary! What took you so long!

Mario: (spoken) Oh, no fucking way!

(Old Man Hobo is holding a plunger)

Old Man Hobo: (spoken) Back to work, fool!

(Mario has been regulated to checking pipes.)

Mario: (spoken) Mama f**ker!

Old Man Hobo: (spoken) Knock it off! What are you, in middle school or something?

Mario: (spoken) F**k you, old man!

(Mario crawls back to the castle.)

Mario: (spoken) Ooh...mama mia!

Toad: (spoken) Hey Mario!

Mario: (spoken) Oh brother!

Toad: I got an idea…

(The Mushroom Kingdom bank.)

(Mario rolls Toad in a baby carriage up to the worker)

Worker: good morning! and welcome to the mushroom kingdom bank!

Mario: (spoken) Hello, sir!

Worker: wow! cute baby you got there!

Toad: (spoken) Hello!

(The worker jumps back in shock.)

Mario: oh don’t worry about we came here for…

Mario: oh! i have to go use the lady’s restroom!

(Mario runs away.)

Worker: (spoken) Oh wait wait wait, come back! Where are you going?

Toad: (spoken) Yay!

Worker: oh...umm..hi baby toad…

Toad: (spoken) Give me a donut!

Worker: (spoken) Or what?

Toad: (spoken) I punch you in da face!

Worker: (spoken) Pfft, you’re not gonna punch me in the--

(The worker falls over)

Toad: (spoken) Yeah, bitch! TROLOLOLOL...

(A bunch of Teletubbies crash through the roof, much to the shock of a passerby. Buzz Lightyear walks up to another random person who happens to be at the bank.)

Buzz Lightyear: I’m a fifteen-year-old girl.

Person: (screams)

(Mario walks into the bank vault and finds money lying on the ground.)

Mario: (spoken) Ooh…

Mario: (spoken) Yes! I’m the winner!

(Mario now has 10000000000 coins. He runs back to the bank counter, only to find the Teletubbies under arrest.)

Narrator: One day in Teletubbyland, Po, Laa-Laa, Tinky Winky, and Dipsy got arrested for robbing a bank and also damaging a roof.

Po: (spoken) Oh, f[BEEP] you you nerfherding piece of [BEEP]...

Toad: (spoken) Aw HELL no!

(Mario and Toad have been placed in a jail cell.)

Mario: (spoken) Oh wha—I wasn’t able to see my baby Mario! (cries)

Toad: (spoken) Nice job, dickface!

Voice: Oi you!! Shut your mouth and look at my wad!

(Mario finds that the voice is coming from the television set.)

(A commercial plays. The first shot is of Starman3 standing in front of a green background.)

Starman3: Loads-loads-loads of money!

(SMG4 floats across the screen.)

SMG4: a journey...into money.

(Mario with Michael Jackson’s building dances while the text “Want some money!?” flashes on screen.)

(SMG4 and a pixelated Luigi are dancing in the background while Starman3 sings.)

Starman3: L-O-D-S OF E-M-O-N-E!

Starman3: What’s that spell?

(SMG4 and Starman3 flail around, excited.)


Starman3: Prob’ly made...

(SMG4 dances. The text “Sell yourself for some money” flashes on screen.)

Starman3: Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of dosh

(Cut back to Mario looking up at the television. He slowly glances at Toad.)

Starman3: Debo debo debo debo Bosh Bosh Bosh!

Toad: ….what?

(Back at the castle, Peach looks at the spot where Toad used to be.)

Peach: uhh mario...where’s toad?

Mario: he’s in a better place now…

(Toad is at a carnival with dancers. Toad screams in horror.)

Toad: (spoken) Get me the heck out of here!!!

(Mario now has 9001 coins.)

(He heads back to the store and purchases the cart.)

(Mario hops on the cart and drives around. He hits Luigi, who looks behind and finds an angry Heavy.)

Heavy: (slow-motion) (spoken) WHO TOUCHED MY GUN?!

Mario: (spoken) Ooh! Bye-bye!

Luigi: (spoken) Mario!

Mario: (spoken) Say what?!

(Heavy makes an exaggerated face at Mario. He slowly corners Mario.)

Mario: can we be friends?

Heavy: (voice) Friendship is stupid magic! I am going to kill you and kill you and--

Mario: No!

(Mario turns into a muscle-bound version of himself. He is hit and flies far away. The kart lands on top of him and explodes.)


End of video

v - e - d Super Mario 64 Bloopers