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Guards N' Retards: Le Train Breach
Guards N' Retards Le train breach

Guards N' Retards Le train breach

Season 5, Episode 12
Episode Info
Series Super Mario 64 Bloopers
Air date April 12nd, 2015
Idea by Unknown
Directed by SuperMarioGlitchy4
Episode Guide
Previous Next
Retarded64: Return to Freddy's Spaghettiria

Guards N' Retards:
Swag Party Hostages

The Wacky Wario Bros.: Golfing for Gold

Guards N' Retards:
Swag Magic.


Guards N' Retards: Le Train Breach, sometimes more simply called Le Train Breach, is SuperMarioGlitchy4's 223rd video, and the fifth episode in the Guards N' Retards series. In this episode, Chris and SwagMaster69696969696 are on board a train when they find a spy stealing their company's intelligence. They go to investigate, aiming to retrieve the intel and kill the spy in the process.


Note: This section isn't nearly as incomplete, but it is still pretty stubby. You can help us by expanding it further. To the contributor who will complete this plot, please remember to make it well detailed (like the plots written by Pinkolol16), use proper spelling and grammar, and to separate it into paragraphs. And please don't forget to remove this message when the work is done. Thank you. Your help is welcome!

Somewhere on a train, Swagmaster6969696969 and Chris are on a break and discuss how to pick up women, arguing that telling women don't find someone who has Ebola isn't sexy. While trash talking about their mothers, a woman tries to send them a message from Sergeant Mark to get off their break but ends up running in horror after Swagmaster tells her he has Ebola (aka his pickup line), forcing the Sergeant himself to tell them over the intercom. Annoyed, the two return to the cargo they were hired to protect, but upon arrival, they find a random spy in the cargo hold. After Swagmaster fondles with the spy (he previously thought that the spy was a a guard covering for them), he then prepares to gun him down, but he misses completely and proceeds to escape with a briefcase that is part of the cargo.

Unfortunately, Chris and his idiotic sidekick are under different thoughts: the former is freaked out by the loss of the briefcase the spy stole while the latter is amazed that he is using magic and is a wizard. Chris then attempts to turn the odds back into their favor by calling Sergeant Mark to stop the train. While skeptical at first, he stops it immediately after Swagmaster says that Chris is having a baby(which isn't true) and the duo go spy-hunting. After freaking out the passengers and Chris attempting to calm them down, Swagmaster tries to find the spy while Chris closed off every possible escape. Then he enters 'swag styled interrogation' where he kills a man because of a trick question (underwear color) and...

To be continued…



  • In the scene where the train is slowing down violently, it is actually stopped on the rails. SMG4 moved the camera to give the appearance of motion, but the effect was undermined by the ground being clearly visible.
  • At one point, the word "already" was misspelled as "laready", with the order of the first two letters inverted.


  • Although being the fifth episode of Guards N' Retards, this one is only the second one to use a custom thumbnail, the first being Prisoners.
  • This is the second blooper of SMG4 to reference Ebola, the first being "The Idea Block.". Both were released on 2015, although the most recent Ebola epidemic started at the end of 2013.
  • This video has references to Team Fortress 2; for instance, the spy turns invisible a number of times, an ability shared by the spies of TF.
  • Swagmaster asking people in the train is probably a reference to the video game Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door on GameCube.
  • The demand of a suspect to divulge the color of Swag's underwear is a reference to the SpongeBob Squarepants episode Krab-Borg.
  • The Crazy Woman was referred to as the "Crazy Raisin Lady" in this blooper.
  • Swagmaster says that Sergeant Mark has been killed twice before as the latter is being shot. This is true: Mark had previously died in Pointy Things and Swag Party Hostages, respectively.
  • SMG4 made numerous references to France with this blooper, down to the title including the word "le". Another detail is that the Frenchman Reymon D. Gai speaks English with an accent, for example saying "ze briefcase" rather than "the briefcase" and "zat boss" instead of "that boss". When he flies on the Flying Spaghetti Monster, he also sings "alouette", a popular French Canadian children's song about plucking the feathers from a lark, in retribution for being woken up by its song.
    • However, the jokes about France can be considered as offensive for some French people.
  • Chris and Swag were revealed in this blooper to have been working in the Spaghetti Factory for a year. It is also revealed that Mario gets all of his spaghetti from this factory.
  • This fact is rather odd since in Retarded64: Mario and the spaghetti factory, he stated that,"[The method in which the spaghetti is made at Fresh Tubbie Spaghetti] is unacceptable!!!!!"
  • This is the first Guards N' Retards episode to have a YouTuber other than SMG4 appear. Namely, Nintendofan997 makes a brief appearance during Gai's flashback.
  • It's implied Chris' full name may actually be Christopher.
  • This blooper takes place over a year after the events of The Butt Ninja


(A corridor on a train)

Caption: Somewhere, on a train...

(Camera pans to show a room with Chris and Swagmaster in)

Swagmaster: So do you think my Idea will work?

Chris: For the last time! Telling girls you got ebola from the war doesn't make you any more attractive.

Swagmaster: B*tch! All the ladies scream in rejoice when they see me! All you got is your mom. Lololol!

Chris: Yeah, well at least I don't mistake mine for a naked hobo on the streets.

(Sad music plays as a close up of Swagmaster is shown.)

Random Lady: Umm... excuse me, but the higher-ups have asked...

Swagmaster: Hey sexy, I've got ebola! :D

(The lady runs away, screaming)

Swagmaster: See Chris? Screams of rejoice! :D

Chris: Sigh....

Intercom: Attention. Message for Swagmaster and Chris.

Sargent Mark: (through intercom) You idiots! I didn't pay you to scratch your balls! Get off your break and get back to work! Don't make me come over there and slap your butt cheeks!

Chris: Sargent f*g is at it again... Better get back to work.

Swagmaster: What a butt hole...

(Scene cuts to the cargo)

Swagmaster: Why can't he just shove the precious item up his a*s so HE can guard it... God...

Chris: Why do you think he hired guards to protect the cargo? Idiot.

(Scene shows a Spy with the Intelligence)

Spy: Hi.

Swagmaster: Oh sweet! Another guard is covering for us! Let's go spank some ladies Chris!


Swagmaster: WHAT? IS IT REALLY A SPY?! (Licks spy's Pingas) HOLY CR*P! (Pulls out gun) IT REALLY IS A SPY! LET'S KILL THIS DUMBA*S! Chris let's kill him now!

Chris: (Shocked) Wait... what did you just...

Swagmaster:(Fires gun at spy) AAAAAHFGAFRTHFRDSARAARAARARARARRARRR (Spy avoids shots)

(The Spy grabs the intelligence and runs)


(The Spy exits through a door, which closes)



Chris: SCREW THIS! I'M NOT GETTING FIRED JUST YET! (Pulls out Walkie-Talkie) Sargent! You need to stop the train!

Sargent Mark: What? Why would I do that?

Swagmaster: It's an emergency! CHRIS IS PREGNANT! SARGENT, STAHP RIGHT NOW!


(Train screeches to a halt)

Chris: You're a retard, you know that?

Swagmaster: LOL Chris no time for talking. Let's go stop that wizard!

(Back in corridor)

Swagmaster: (Holding gun) Ok, everyone don't panic, but you're all gonna die!

(People panic)

Chris: You d*ckhead! That's not what you say! Everyone calm down he was just joking. (Someone blows up)

Swagmaster: Oh for God's sake,I'll try find the spy. (Runs down the corridor) Move it! Out of the way! Coming through! (Opens toilet door) Hello? You in here magical wizard? (Looks in what looks like a bedroom) Oh godammit... (Checks in random room, there is a man licking another man's Pingas) AHHHH MY EYES!

(Scene cuts to what seems to be the bedroom)

Chris: OK, I locked every possible exit so he couldn't escape...

Swagmaster: (Banging head against wall) AH THE DEMONS OF HELL BURN MY EYES!

Chris: So basically the spy has to be hiding among the civilians! He may even be in disguise!

Swagmaster: Then it's time for some swag style interrogation! More to come