乁(´• ω •`)ㄏ
|Chris tells Swag the job description was a lie.|
|Also known as:||None|
|Likes:||Swag Master (sometimes)|
|Dislikes:|| Most of his co-workers|
Being called gay
|v • t • e|
Chris (full name possibly Christopher Gordman) is the main deuteragonist of the Guards N' Retards series and a security guard who works at the Retarded Spaghetti Factory in several bloopers. He is swagmaster69696969696's partner. He is currently being hunted by Morgan Freeman for accidentally shooting him down in the first G&R blooper.
Most of the time, Chris acts as the straight man of the Guards N' Retards duo, as he is typically a no-nonsense, hard working, and grounded individual. However, he does display a noticeable level of reluctance and frustration with both his job and his coworkers; particularly with his partner, Swagmaster.
Compared to Swag, Chris is far more intelligent, usually being the one to come up with the plans during a situation, with varying degrees of success. Despite his annoyance with his partner, Chris will sometimes use Swag's idiotic habits to work with his plans. Such examples include announcing a fake "Swag Party" in order to lure Swagmaster to where Chris is after he and Sergeant Mark are captured by the Butt Ninja and his boss; as well as convincing Swag to go flirt with a random woman on the beach so Chris can enjoy his vacation in peace.
While Chris can sometimes come off a bitter and spiteful due to his frustrations, he does occasionally show a more sympathetic side such as when he was worried about Swagmaster dying after he is assaulted by the Butt Ninja, as well as when he feels guilty for previously yelling at Swag for ruining their vacation. There are also times when he will try to relax in order to join in on some of Swagmaster's antics.
- Retarded64: Mario and the retarded spaghetti factory
- Guards N' Retards: The Butt Ninja
- Guards N' Retards: Pointy Things
- Guards N' Retards: Prisoners
- Guards N' Retards: Swag Party Hostages
- Guards N' Retards: Le Train Breach
- Guards N' Retards: Swag Magic.
- Guards N' Retards: Da bomb
- SMG4: BENDY and the SPAGHETTI MACHINE
- SMG4: The Movie Audition
- SMG4 Christmas 2017: The XMAS Discovery
- Guards N' Retards: The Vacation
- Chris's model is the "Arctic Commander" from GoldenEye 007 for the Nintendo 64.
- Chris is voiced by Microsoft Mike.
- Chris's personality is based off Arbiters from "Arby N' the Chief". He usually mistrusts Swagmaster [Microsoft Sam], and when he's not doing something crazy, he takes his job seriously, unlike his friend.
- According to Swagmaster, Chris' full name is Christopher Gordman as shown in Guards N' Retards: Le Train Breach.
- What the sh*t?
- Yeah, well this whole factory is full of mental patients.
- Well sh*t! I thought you were called swag master just cause you wanted friends.
- Surprise butts*x !
- ....ahh sh*t. (Morgan Freeman explodes)
- Surprise, mofo!
- I think I might puke...
- You wanna know how I got these scars?